Under Lock and Key
That old adage: what is life? At 3:30 in the morning, Chicago, tail end of summer, it looks like it never has. 24 for a week today, school starts tomorrow and I'm over halfway thru my program.

Got a call from a girl, this toy gallery here wants me to come up with an idea for a small show of some of my work by Wednesday. It's Tuesday AM right now. I'm oddly calm.

Things with Adam have been remarkably well, and I've been channeling all my bullshit into this little pad I got at Convocation last week. I just pull it out and write whatever I'm thinking because I know we'll talk thru it.

I have to plan my week very carefully because there's a lot I want to get done and I have to execute it very precisely. Virgo-like.

There should only be one more hot day left in the summer. That's today.

I've been feeling "the itch" lately. To get out, see more of the world, take pictures, create. This summer has been all about constituting a new relationship, and who knows, two or three years down the road it might be the best investment of time I've made. Even if no, I've already learned so much about myself and how to treat other people. Even at the expense of my creative channels, the hindsight alone has been worth it.

Without sadness, that's over now. I have to focus on school starting today, and that means focusing on myself again. Continuing to grow into a new identity while maintaining the things that keep me awake at nite (like now) and inspire passion in me. I am so ready to bone up my CV, portfolio, and website. There are so many good things to think about now. I just have to simply write everything down.

And that's an appealing thought for someone who has crafted a tight, simple book in his mind for over a year now and desperately needs to find time to write it before it goes out of his head, forever!, like other ideas he never trounced on.

So what's going on, Argentina, Antarctica? New Mexico? Germany? There are so many places and I'm so very curious. Oh, the places I'll go! That soothes me like hurt-loam.

I have not failed, but have not necessarily succeeded either. I want to be the boy, the boy who has everything. And it's tough. And it's going to be a lot of work and a lot of balancing. But like I said, I have to execute everything very precisely. It's like when you're cutting veggies and you get down to the part near your fingers and you have to be very careful not to fuck up because it could really hurt you. That's where I am right now: down to the quick and trying not to fuck it up.

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