Epic Tits... I Mean, Epic
So it has been a while, again. I look back to that last entry and think of all I've been thru and everything I've felt since I wrote that. I no longer think constantly about Adam, although he does enter my thoughts from time to time in a simple wondering way. I do miss him tremendously, but honestly I can't imagine going thru this time of the semester right now with all the fighting and all the pressure that was in that relationship. Between the dual stresses of skoo and the heavy relationship, I would've probably had a mental breakdown by now.

And now I'm working too, so all my free time has been taken. My teachers expect miracles from me for any number of reasons. And somehow, each time, I live up to my expectations. I'm suffering in other areas, of course. I've neglected my friends and the people I really care about. I try to find time to call Jason and my Mom, but I've had stretches of a few days when I was simply too exhausted to talk. I'm also sorely lonely, and I do miss companionship, but in a lot of ways I think this time has allowed me to put all my energy into work and skoo and really succeed there. That, and... I was a really awful boyfriend to Adam. The perspective has been indispensable.

So yeah, no free time. But I am finding time to visit the art galleries, have spontaneous lunches, and write every now and again, on top of all the painting/drawing/sculpture/woodwork/reading. I've peeled thru several books on the bus this month. No end in sight. I'm filling my mind this so many ideas, I can foresee it taking weeks to process it all mentally. And I like it like that. It's sort of like playing dead. It soothes the hurting.

I'm doing a poetry reading tonite at Columbia and I'm oh-so-nervous, but also very excited. I am going to write right now.

I won't even mention my plans for next semester yet. Because they are all over the place. I haven't figured it out yet, but Canada isn't being exactly cooperative with my selections and ... I dunno. We'll see. I might just stay in Chicago and power thru it. Like I said, I haven't decided just yet. But I am solidly 50-50. When the scales tip one way or the other, it's going to take a lot of energy, whatever happens.

Love you all. I do read my friends page every day. I feel current with you even if you don't with me...

Besos!